coercive control * Domestic abuse * family court
To be alienated from your child brings the most unimaginable pain. A highly narcissistic individual will put their needs to hurt their ex before the parenting needs of their child. A parent who attempts to alienate a child has a worrying lack of empathy which allows them to behave in an agonisingly cruel manner.
Read moreYour child turns twelve; they don't want to go to the abusive parent's house for half of the summer holidays; they start to resist contact. You face a dilemma; you are court-ordered to send them. You know if you complain to the court the judge will think you are bitter and trying to prevent contact.
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When co-parenting with a vengeful, narcissistic ex, one of your biggest fears is that your child becomes a narcissist too. When a younger child goes into a rage, you panic. When your older child is boastful, arrogant, selfish, disrespectful or displays harmful behaviour, then the fears intensify. We curse our narcissistic ex for their lack of parenting skills.
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Anyone who tries to co-parent with a narcissistic, abusive ex knows that it is challenging to say the least; it consumes your life. There are steps you can take to make this journey less stressful. These steps will test your strength of character, but you are in this for the long run, and you can't escape it. Once you discover the long-term plan, you realise that while the narcissist feels like they are winning every time they break the rules, they are, in fact, self-destructing.
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If you have separated from a cruel narcissist, then you already know that co-parenting is difficult at the best of times. The sadistic narcissist doesn't co-parent, they counter-parent. Every action they do comes from a place of coercion, anger, suspicion and vengefulness, with the intent to cause you distress. They are cunning, and they know how to play the Family Court system.
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In Intractable contact disputes (high conflict), the judge has a difficult decision to make, and one in which they shall seek expert advice to assist them. The Family Court and professionals involved can benefit from a deeper understanding of the changing behaviours in our society and how to recognise them in difficult cases; what appears to be an intractable contact dispute may in fact be a domestic abuse (risk) case; a good understanding of coercive control is required to make a contact decision which keeps the child safe from harm.
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