Narcissistic abusers take an exploitative approach to relationships; they demand a constant source of adoration and attention from their partner. They target empathetic, nurturing individuals who will satisfy their needs.
What happens when a parent raises claims of ‘abuse’ in a civil family court action and it gets counterclaimed with ‘parental alienation’ or similar?
Here’s what the experts say.
A victim of a coercively controlling, narcissistic ex has an uphill battle when entering the family court. The narcissist has an arsenal of powerful weapons. They can render their victim into a hopeless and traumatising situation.
I recently joined forces with The Court Said, the campaign for survivor family justice. I joined because Scotland's system faces similar problems to the justice systems in England & Wales, Ireland, the USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and other particular countries. The courts in these countries harm vulnerable victims of abuse. I will strive to continue the excellent work of my Scottish #thecoursaid campaigners and hope that together we can make a positive impact; not just for the victims of abuse currently in the system, but for those who enter the system in the future.
Psychologically unsafe and violent fathers are using the family court system to terrorise mothers. When a dangerous father can no longer wield power and control in the home, they revert to using the family court to continue their torment and abuse. Some judges and welfare reporters are abusing their position to protect and assist dangerous fathers at the expense of the safety of children.
The family court can be a brutal environment for a mother who claims that her ex's abusive behaviour is causing her child to resist contact. There is a systemic bias in the system, and mothers are often approached with scepticism. Here are some critical points to consider if you have no option but to fight for the safety of your child and try to 'beat the bias';
When co-parenting with a vengeful, narcissistic ex, one of your biggest fears is that your child becomes a narcissist too. When a younger child goes into a rage, you panic. When your older child is boastful, arrogant, selfish, disrespectful or displays harmful behaviour, then the fears intensify. We curse our narcissistic ex for their lack of parenting skills.
To be accused of Parental Alienation in a Family Court action is frightening, particularly if the accuser is also the abuser. Extremely narcissistic individuals will accuse their ex-partner of the behaviour which they are guilty. It's a form of manipulation which the narcissist is well versed. In a courtroom, with their charming façade, the narcissist will always win a battle of words. They are convincing, and they can deceive judges confidently. One must look deep into the evidence to find the truth.
If you have separated from a cruel narcissist, then you already know that co-parenting is difficult at the best of times. The sadistic narcissist doesn't co-parent, they counter-parent. Every action they do comes from a place of coercion, anger, suspicion and vengefulness, with the intent to cause you distress. They are cunning, and they know how to play the Family Court system.
A Family Court battle with a narcissist often results in a never-ending rollercoaster of emotions for you, the abused victim. Court proceedings will take their toll on your wellbeing. Your emotional and physical health can deteriorate rapidly.
Leaving a coercively controlling relationship is one of the most stressful and painful times in life. If there is a child involved, dealing with the aftermath is worse. When the victim finds safety, stability and emotional freedom, it is quickly swiped from under them by the family courts. The victim and child are returned to a situation of vulnerability and become engulfed with worry and fear. They can get left in that precarious situation until the child becomes an adult.