Narcissistic abusers take an exploitative approach to relationships; they demand a constant source of adoration and attention from their partner. They target empathetic, nurturing individuals who will satisfy their needs.

Richard Ducote, one of America’s leading child abuse and domestic violence attorneys, recently cross-examined parental alienation ‘expert’ Robert Evans in a court in Pennsylvania. Ducote’s expertise shone through, while Evan’s testimony left readers horrified as he described his extreme and shocking beliefs, reminiscent of his idol and inventor of parental alienation syndrome, Richard Gardner.

What happens when a parent raises claims of ‘abuse’ in a civil family court action and it gets counterclaimed with ‘parental alienation’ or similar?

Here’s what the experts say.

A victim of a coercively controlling, narcissistic ex has an uphill battle when entering the family court. The narcissist has an arsenal of powerful weapons. They can render their victim into a hopeless and traumatising situation.

Scotland is currently in the process of ground-breaking family justice modernisation. Yesterday, Minister Ash Denham passed the Children (Scotland) Bill with a unanimous vote. The government listened to charities, and survivors of domestic abuse and their children, and they are making radical reforms to help protect the vulnerable and to make the family justice system a fairer, kinder and safer world to enter. Ministers from all parties worked together with their focus firmly set on the best interests and welfare of the child; something survivors have desperately sought from those working in the family court system.

Real alienation (psychological abuse)

To be alienated from your child brings the most unimaginable pain. A highly narcissistic individual will put their needs to hurt their ex before the parenting needs of their child. A parent who attempts to alienate a child has a worrying lack of empathy which allows them to behave in an agonisingly cruel manner.

A pattern emerged in the family courts of parental alienation (PA) raised as a response to domestic abuse claims. It resulted in brutal outcomes for mothers and children. The need for a child to maintain contact became a priority as society was subtly influenced to believe in a new stereotype; a hostile, vindictive mother; a woman scorned.

There is no universal definition of parental alienation, but leading researchers offer a gender-neutral description as follows;

“Where a child expresses unreasonable negative feelings and beliefs (including fear) about a parent that are significantly disproportionate to that child’s actual experience with that parent”.

When a child resists contact with an abusive father, the mother may raise an action in the Family Court to vary contact. When she does, her situation becomes frightening. The more she tries to prove her ex's controlling and dangerous behaviour, the more powerful he becomes.

If you claim, in the civil Family Court, that your child is resisting contact due to Domestic Abuse or Child Abuse, then there is a risk that you will not be successful, if the abuser counterclaims with Parental Alienation.

To be accused of Parental Alienation in a Family Court action is frightening, particularly if the accuser is also the abuser. Extremely narcissistic individuals will accuse their ex-partner of the behaviour which they are guilty. It's a form of manipulation which the narcissist is well versed. In a courtroom, with their charming façade, the narcissist will always win a battle of words. They are convincing, and they can deceive judges confidently. One must look deep into the evidence to find the truth.